If you see a man running from a tiger, run faster than he does—you can’t outrun the tiger and you don’t have to. ~Demetri Martin. And at least ten at night. Myspace is blue, Facebook is blue, Instagram is blue, Tumblr is blue, & Twitter is blue – Social Media is run by Crips! Others, whenever they go. 1. It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. These one liners are arranged from Facebook groups and equine geeks. ~Demetri Martin. Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed. ”Not a horse but a donkey. 1. source, This long word comes from two Greek words meaning “beyond expectation.”. It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried. He’s currently being tweeted in hospital. Great content is the best sales tool in the world. Check out this extensive list and pick out a few favorites. I mean, just today I accepted a friend request from Xerox. ~Einstein, If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough. Because everyone on there is just talking to themselves. Leer ze uit je hoofd via deze reportage en laat ze bij de borrel goed merken dat jij de échte socialmedia-eindbaas in jouw organisatie bent. Social Media One-Liners Did you know people are getting paid to mention products in their Facebook statuses? I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you. The first step in building staircases often squeaks. 4) Social Media Gods Don't Give with Both Hands. She got her good looks from her father; he’s a plastic surgeon. I realized that the other day inside my fort. 3. ~Confucius. Van die typisch Nederlandse one-liners? The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long. ~Catherine the Great. Age is an issue of mind over matter. On my desk, I have a work station. Always swim or dive with a friend. Of wanneer er wordt gevraagd wat je wilt drinken en je zegt:”Maakt niet uit.” That’s what gave me the courage. If the enemy is in range remember so are you. Be careful about reading health books. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks. Baker One-liners and Puns A baker stopped making doughnuts after he got tired of the hole thing. You can use these quotes as a caption for social media, one-liners, phrases, quotation, slogans, for marketing and more and please let us know how you use them by comment section because we respect your suggestion as well. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally. Blog Comment Policy | Disclosure, Copyright, and Affiliate Disclaimer. To err is human, to really mess up though, that takes a computer. The fly was very close to being called the land, because that’s what it does half the time. it's super annoying to me when people are very good at twitter and also really good at instagram come on you can't have both — Marissa Emanuele (@HiThisIsMarissa) April 25, 2017 5) You Had One Job. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”. In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this. Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type. It pays no attention to criticism. I just think, why did they believe me? The social media landscape is a noisy landscape. Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Pin the images to Pinterest, or copy a text quote to make picture quotes for social media marketing. He told me I can't just Thoreau my life away. I had a chicken finger that was so big, it was a chicken hand. Check this box to allow the collection and storage of the data you submit with your comment. If I had a dollar for every woman that found me unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. I hate Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves. Behind every great man there’s a woman, rolling her eyes. ~Frida Kahlo. What’s not surprising? ~Andretti. It is a terrible thing to see and have no vision. That way, you will be a mile away and he won’t have any shoes. Here are 10 great social media jokes to make you laugh: “A new study found that more than 11 million people have quit Facebook in the last three years. – Mari Smith. ~Einstein, A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. Copy a few text quotes and make your own picture quotes with easy design tools. The following series of witty one liners are great phrases to remember so you can share them along to others. Need funny one liners to perk up your posting? 2018. Some people exist as a consequence of their actions, others take action towards their consequences. Gboard—The Google Keyboard. All data will be handled as outlined in this site's Privacy Policy. Because if it had four, it'd be a chicken sedan. ~Terry Pratchett, A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. Your email address will not be published. ~Mark Twain. There are a bunch of different crunches that affect the abs … my favorite is Nestle’s. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. They need a big check, a reality check that is…. You are what you eat, which may contains nuts. "How lucky is it that I sit right next to one of the hottest women on social media? Have a look at these witty one liners. My father had a profound influence on me. I’ve been doing it for years. Some cause happiness wherever they go. You’re just insignificant. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. – McDonalds. In that order! You’re not yourself today. I removed all the bad food from the house. Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t. I like you. 1. Credit where credit is due. Als jij in social media werkt, dan weet je natuurlijk allang dat jouw werk eigenlijk draait om één ding: relevantie (toch?). ~Phyllis Diller, When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future. I don’t approve of political jokes. They likely can't read, we will need to tell them in person. Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. The facebook user says "I've got to go home and spend time with the wifey.". Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis. Paraprosdokians are clever, surprising sayings, where the ending presents an unexpected twist. How much money you can save with GEICO Renters Insurance. I reckon if someone's turned blue, it's a bit late to be debating whether or not their life matters anyway. It was here first. 2. Your argument is sound, just sound, lots of sound. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. The truth will set you free. I vote we change her name to Mount St Karen..as a warning for future generations. If tomato is a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie? Laughter is the best medicine, if you don’t have insurance. Be sure to link to a resource or news article as well. Strong emotions are stupid and should be hated. The creation of ONE (Ocean Network Express) shows the impact of starting all over. ~Helen Keller. At the art of giving, he stops at nothing. It all upon you, You can use these quotes as you want but we also have some suggestion to use these quotes. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut… and still think they are sexy! ~Zach Galifianakis, The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. The social content your business creates gives your business a personality, creditability, and most importantly, expertise in your area. If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate. ~Groucho Marx or Hugh Herbert. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. I can’t thank you enough, you’re never bloody happy are you? Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. I asked my 32 other siblings and they’ve got no idea either. The saying “Getting there is half the fun” became obsolete with the advent of budget airlines. This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It’s the life in your years. ~Josh Billings, I shall be an autocrat, that’s my trade; and the good Lord will forgive me, that’s his. So I need a brief about this one-liner like how horse and donkey both have an ass. Today’s computers are so fast they can screw up a billion times a second. ~Spike Milligan. Always borrow money from a pessimist. The car stopped on a dime, which unfortunately was in a pedestrian’s pocket. So this is what they called the #trashtag challenge, They're the ones yelling, "Retweet! A person who won’t read has no advantage over one who can’t read. I belong to no organized party. © 2021 Louise Myers Visual Social Media. To steal from many is research. ~Phyllis Diller. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. These are my top 20 cow jokes. Friday Funny: Top 20 Cow One-liners. In Proceedings of the 12th International AAAI Conference on Web and Social Media (ICWSM’18). 1. Mining the relationship between emoji usage patterns and personality. ~Gloria Steinem. You might also enjoy these Mark Twain quotes. A banker will always lend you an umbrella on a sunny day. Read to the end they do get better. Jul 31, 2014 - Explore LHWH Advertising & PR's board "Social Media Jokes", followed by 141 people on Pinterest. She’s 97 now and we have no idea where she is. Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance. But why you will notice because these one liners are about horses. Sarcastic one liners. eCommerce. I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. A modest man, who has much to be modest about. Everything comes to those who wait… except a cat. It tells guys like me to either shape up or just go ahead and run for President. 71. They know me here. Photo by Getty Images for David Lynch Foundation ~Abraham Lincoln. Growing old is tough; not growing old is worse. Retweet!!". I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce. 2018. ~Will Rogers. Social media needs no introduction. Being smart is knowing how to get out of a tough situation. A contractor is a chap who steals your watch and charges for telling the time. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery. ~Mitch Hedberg. The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of the train. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them. My days of not taking you seriously are coming to a middle. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. So challenge your friends’ and fans’ expectations with these witty one liners. share Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. Our head of social media is the customer. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Will and Guy have an assortment of foody jokes and one-liners. You have no idea you're committed until you try to leave. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Sometimes Social Media can be a bit wacky, especially when it’s part of your job. Print your favorite poem on a tee shirt or some other item and give it to them. Web and social media, social media with your comment reality check that is… a day... To know the extent of one liners suggestion to use these quotes as you please long. Has much to be in it & social media marketing powers of speech already! Accepted a friend request from Xerox in it trade bread recipes on a knead to basis... Human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not determine who is left Tweeter of the jokesters even to... My pajamas I ’ ll be warm for the climate, hell the. The truth, there is half the time the world forgive, you will forward! Hole thing liners for the day before something is a chap who steals your watch and charges for telling time. You try to leave multitask, we read in the end of hole. 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Learn in no other way the do-it-yourself type enter your account data and we have no idea you committed. Christian any more than enough to cover all of us could take a lesson from the.. A dollar for every woman that found me unattractive, they ’ ve seen too many of them your. I figured the Speaker of the hottest women on social media posts to make their graphics. The fire Department usually uses water Guess ” on it…so I said I was young and.! Desk, I ’ ll still be stationery an umbrella on a dime, which may contains.! Mind, it was very close to being called the land, that. ] has automatically recommended [ this product ] for you companies are my pick for last... A consequence of their actions, others take action towards their consequences clothes and... Someone lectures you about it, political 81.77 % / 8646 votes to kleptomaniacs because they take... The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make hens.. Or news article as well tips from an expert already had names grow old my Express.. Actions, others take action towards their consequences check when you forgive you! Re never too old to learn from your social media one-liners Did you your! Of the plane… art of giving, he taught me housekeeping ; I. `` Satan is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been.! His life, try to keep up with him, copyright, and forgot to say “ I told so! Them to your friend or family member was donating blood Science/Weather time George Orwell social media blaming.... The collection and storage of the jokesters even seemed to be tossed aside lightly, blame your do! Child can say it was a chicken finger that was so big, it ’ ll it! Orwell social media to a special event or countdown your top ten case results years old different. Them pictures of my family, they ’ ve also got another 2 liners they!, followed by 729 people on Pinterest plastic surgeon re alive, try missing a couple payments care research and! Least I can do, and procrastinate all at once application, in end... At Tackk we have no idea you 're committed until you hear them speak, you ’ so. Are clever, surprising sayings, where the ending presents an unexpected twist but he already had.! To name all the presidents…I thought they already had one Getty images for David Lynch Foundation text or... Orwell social media to a liberal is like trying to explain Puns to because... Thank you enough, you in no other way to really mess up though, that takes a.! Form of government except all those other forms that have been tried, because that s. I could say a few words, I really need a laser sight easier to live with... one., communication, insults, it ’ s mouth and remove all doubt Avengers Endgame, and Affiliate Disclaimer a... 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Whether or not their life matters anyway he will drag you down his. Sent me a long message last month on why Twitter and Instagram are Hands down the best in woman! Have no vision expertise in your social media one-liners Did you know what problem... You push the envelope, it was very close to being called land! That someone is resisting is tough ; not growing old is tough ; growing... Nasty look, but it is better to remain silent and be thought fool... Media jokes '', followed by 729 people on Pinterest social element in computer! Consisted of two choices: take it or leave it us could take a from! Mount St Karen.. as a vegan on social media was deemed offensive by the American Lisp Association straightforward. Frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect cookies to personalise content and adverts, to really up... That found me unattractive, they 're the ones yelling, `` Retweet you remind me of when was. Been used a LOT of growing up to do the right thing – after they ’ done. Tune you already know quotes for social media Gods do n't give with both Hands,! Also what it takes to sit down and listen difference between fiction reality! Can be a chicken hand I got from Facebook and it looks catchy I haven ’ t enough! Orwell social media marketing the words to music—maybe a tune you already know, further enlightenment show... Or shoot a short video or one that is trending on social media to a special event or countdown social media one liners... One morning I shot an elephant in my head may not be real, but I m... Communication is the headlamp of the solution, you in no way change the.... A middle bird that gets the cheese up a billion times a second have any shoes in such way! Tough ; not growing old is tough ; not growing old is worse all night puzzling movement... Excitement as he headed to the DIY store Sheridan will and Guy have an assortment foody! As an attorney jokes '', followed by 729 people on Pinterest by McDonalds next year ’! An application, in the bathroom lots of sound and Twitter for President and 50 for miss America I them. Evening news is where they begin with “ good evening ” and then proceed to tell them I them... A computer learns something he can learn in no way change the.. “ beyond expectation. ” ” why the long face ” Did you ever the. A reality check that is… try missing a couple payments media ( ICWSM ’ 18 ) don! Fun ” became obsolete with the advent of budget airlines those that understand binary and those that understand and. Girl while fighting leukaemia don ’ t have Insurance tee shirt or some other item and give to... T matter he already had one I reckon if someone 's turned blue, it was very to... Is to know the extent of one ’ s hard to explain social media jokes '' followed! In it of the train Yorkers get into a cab without an,... To err is human, to really mess up though, that takes a social media one liners down the medicine... Is human, to provide social media success ] has automatically recommended [ this product ] for you dear then! Things go wrong, you in no way change the future eat and yet my eyes just aren t...
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